I'm going to say this because I think today is the day.
And what I'm thankful for today is for God's love.
I mean what better way to start my series right.
A lot of people know me from what they see and a few from what they've heard. All probably not so great ways to figure me out, but you did what you can you know ð.
What most people don't know is what I deal with behind the scenes. The battles I've had with insecurity, weight gain, depression, anxiety, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, even in some cases, physical. I won't go into detail, but I will let something that's deep out because I had to pray before this post. And it's pretty nerve wrecking, don't sign off so quick though. I know what you're thinking ah she has gone and come, and she's depressed no trust me every day is a brand-new day in the journey to being your best and most legit self.
A lot of people dealt with, and still deal with suicide urges or self hurt urge, and I have to say, I'm not different. Some injuries I used to have when I was younger were self-inflicted and I'd make up a story to just make it seem like I was less likely to kill myself. At this point, I don't even explain my injuries most times. If I hurt myself I would pretend until it got worse or I wouldn't tell anybody even if they noticed. I had a pattern as well, never “leave any scars,” because I used to hide it from my parents so if I had scars it would have been more difficult so if focus on twisting or shifting my bones or bruising my torso, except my legs, I don't play with my legs.
Thing is I even started to believe them myself and it stopped me from getting over it. So because I'm so emotionally imbalanced anything can tip a scale and send you spiraling.
Self hurt is something I want to explain while I have your attention, in case you may have a friend or somebody that deals with this.
The idea behind this thing is you feel so much emotional pain, you want to feel physical pain to numb the emotional one, it's more than just cutting, it's when somebody has a wound, and they want to put salt in it or when somebody likes to play with fire for no reason. A few people probably enjoy doing this normally, (psychos, JKJKðð) but just so, you notice behavioral patterns and know when to ask, most times talking can help in this case. So, it's important we pay attention to others, and we try regardless.
I'm even giving you a lesson on mental health now.
A few weeks ago I had a terribly close call and that was my trigger, I knew I wasn't healthy anymore.
I'm going to say this for those of us that don't live the best lives coming to God is a struggle sometimes because no matter how hard it hurts you more that you know you disappointed God. But I will also say getting over that is the best thing you can ever feel, better than anti depressants or drugs or alcohol, it's something surreal, no jokes.
And that's why I am grateful because what has kept me here, kept me with that bit of me that always stats the same when other bits change, just so, it can shape me back to what I once was, like the Center piece of a Rubik cube, is God's love.
It's undeniably the best thing to have and the first and most important thing that I am more thankful for.
Okay, so I wrote this little by little over the days and it's the start of my series titled “7 DAYS OF THANKSGIVING” where I will be thanking God for a new thing every day. Originally I planned on starting with family, but I'll do that another time.
So basically stay alert, and then on post notifications on my blogs page, @violetredux on Instagram, because I'll be posting every day by the grace of God.
One more note, I'm not a preacher, this isn't a spiritual blog, I'm a lifestyle blogger so whatever I write is from my heart and my life to you in hopes that you connect or it helps somebody, some way, somehow.
Finally, thank you so much for reading, and for the support Every time I put out content, you guys are amazing.
Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @girlnamedmia_ and the blog @violetredux dm me whenever with the message (VRtalk) or email me @Obehidodianosen@gmail.com if you need to talk about anything. Bye lovelies see you tomorrow on my next post❤
Comments
Post a Comment